The day after was cloudy and rainy. Everyone seemed tired, scattered into different parts of the house. We all seemed to be sleepwalking through our moments together. My niece and nephew had bounced back relatively fast, that’s how kids are. That morning I found myself staring out the window in the kitchen at the backyard, … More 16. End of the Line
Tuesday night my dad was still somewhat lucid and he didn’t want to take his pain pills. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how much he understood what was happening anymore. I suspect he couldn’t swallow at that point but didn’t want the syringe full of bitter medications either. He became combative and angry … More 15. Even Walls Fall Down
Some older nurses came to the house and frantically started to hover over my dad, which I knew he hated. “They act like I’m going to die today,” he said in an aggravated huff. A bed was delivered and a man set it up in the living room. My mom chatted with this man who … More 14. The Last Week
In my childhood, my dad always seemed like a quiet enigma. As a result, I was always looking for insight about what he liked, found funny or interesting. A curiosity that stayed with me as I aged. I was happy when he took an interest in things I enjoyed. “Hey, how is that show so … More 13. A Collage
February was ushering in a new phase that we weren’t prepared for. We had gotten so used to our routine that we never considered it would all change. The collection of medications, treatments and general failing health were causing my dad to have unpredictable bowel movements. Months before he had been struggling with constipation but … More 12. Beginning of the End
By the end of January, I had begun to feel doubt that my dad was going to live to see May. He was no longer driving and could barely stand or walk. His appetite was somehow getting worse. His unspoken goals were: eating and not sleeping all day. One day I let him sleep in, … More 11. Violent Trajectory
Shine A Light On Me 