During September, my stress levels and anger were still running high. I can’t remember anything specific except I was mad as usual, having to accept the way things were. That was the bulk of my anger, the idea that my life story was now: this is Michelle, she’s 33 and her dad is dead. I … More 23. Just Be Happy
(Warning: This chapter concerns suicide and self harm) August began and I was plunging head first into my final semester of school, my student teaching had begun. I would go to two different schools during that fall semester, to get a varied experience. I was terrified. Luckily, I had already gone through the worst thing … More 22. You Might Surprise Yourself
Finally, I returned to Oklahoma. I mistakenly thought I would have things back under control, after being removed from the situation in Houston. I expected my mood to improve but instead found that things weren’t going back “to normal” as I’d hoped them to be. I was different, even if I didn’t want to admit … More 21. Here There Be Dragons
That May was supposed to be a celebration of my graduation, but now that was non-existent. My mom decided we should take a vacation, to celebrate the survival of the worst thing that had happened to us; I think anyway. It was also getting closer to me leaving and going back to school. Everything was … More 20. Long Goodbye
One night in the garage I noticed something watching me. Resting on top of some containers a moth lay still. I froze and stared at the black speckled patterns. A jolt went through me, wondering how long it had been there. It was a large moth, white with black spots. In my entire life in … More 19. The Moth
In my mind, there was a laundry list of things that could have caused my dad to have cancer. Starting from whatever pesticides that were in the migrant fields around him as a kid, working on oil rigs before he was sixteen and exposure to who knows what during Vietnam. Then working in a chemical … More 18. Dancing In the Dark
I found myself unable to look at my dad’s pictures. I avoided them, literally wincing as I passed by. I couldn’t handle it for some reason. This would go on for almost a year. While looking through his wallet for something, I quickly flipped past his picture. In a hidden compartment was the secret embroidered … More 17. Close One Eye
Shine A Light On Me 