(Warning: This chapter concerns suicide and self harm) August began and I was plunging head first into my final semester of school, my student teaching had begun. I would go to two different schools during that fall semester, to get a varied experience. I was terrified. Luckily, I had already gone through the worst thing … More 22. You Might Surprise Yourself
Finally, I returned to Oklahoma. I mistakenly thought I would have things back under control, after being removed from the situation in Houston. I expected my mood to improve but instead found that things weren’t going back “to normal” as I’d hoped them to be. I was different, even if I didn’t want to admit … More 21. Here There Be Dragons
That May was supposed to be a celebration of my graduation, but now that was non-existent. My mom decided we should take a vacation, to celebrate the survival of the worst thing that had happened to us; I think anyway. It was also getting closer to me leaving and going back to school. Everything was … More 20. Long Goodbye
One night in the garage I noticed something watching me. Resting on top of some containers a moth lay still. I froze and stared at the black speckled patterns. A jolt went through me, wondering how long it had been there. It was a large moth, white with black spots. In my entire life in … More 19. The Moth
The day after was cloudy and rainy. Everyone seemed tired, scattered into different parts of the house. We all seemed to be sleepwalking through our moments together. My niece and nephew had bounced back relatively fast, that’s how kids are. That morning I found myself staring out the window in the kitchen at the backyard, … More 16. End of the Line
Tuesday night my dad was still somewhat lucid and he didn’t want to take his pain pills. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how much he understood what was happening anymore. I suspect he couldn’t swallow at that point but didn’t want the syringe full of bitter medications either. He became combative and angry … More 15. Even Walls Fall Down
Some older nurses came to the house and frantically started to hover over my dad, which I knew he hated. “They act like I’m going to die today,” he said in an aggravated huff. A bed was delivered and a man set it up in the living room. My mom chatted with this man who … More 14. The Last Week
There were things that my dad said that made me wonder how much he knew he was going to die. Sometimes I can’t decide. How much can a person comprehend that they are going to die? How much hope can you coast on? Is there a default human instinct to deny the inevitable, in order … More 9. Doubts
Shine A Light On Me 