(Warning: This chapter concerns suicide and self harm) August began and I was plunging head first into my final semester of school, my student teaching had begun. I would go to two different schools during that fall semester, to get a varied experience. I was terrified. Luckily, I had already gone through the worst thing … More 22. You Might Surprise Yourself
Finally, I returned to Oklahoma. I mistakenly thought I would have things back under control, after being removed from the situation in Houston. I expected my mood to improve but instead found that things weren’t going back “to normal” as I’d hoped them to be. I was different, even if I didn’t want to admit … More 21. Here There Be Dragons
That May was supposed to be a celebration of my graduation, but now that was non-existent. My mom decided we should take a vacation, to celebrate the survival of the worst thing that had happened to us; I think anyway. It was also getting closer to me leaving and going back to school. Everything was … More 20. Long Goodbye
One night in the garage I noticed something watching me. Resting on top of some containers a moth lay still. I froze and stared at the black speckled patterns. A jolt went through me, wondering how long it had been there. It was a large moth, white with black spots. In my entire life in … More 19. The Moth
In my mind, there was a laundry list of things that could have caused my dad to have cancer. Starting from whatever pesticides that were in the migrant fields around him as a kid, working on oil rigs before he was sixteen and exposure to who knows what during Vietnam. Then working in a chemical … More 18. Dancing In the Dark
I found myself unable to look at my dad’s pictures. I avoided them, literally wincing as I passed by. I couldn’t handle it for some reason. This would go on for almost a year. While looking through his wallet for something, I quickly flipped past his picture. In a hidden compartment was the secret embroidered … More 17. Close One Eye
The day after was cloudy and rainy. Everyone seemed tired, scattered into different parts of the house. We all seemed to be sleepwalking through our moments together. My niece and nephew had bounced back relatively fast, that’s how kids are. That morning I found myself staring out the window in the kitchen at the backyard, … More 16. End of the Line
Tuesday night my dad was still somewhat lucid and he didn’t want to take his pain pills. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how much he understood what was happening anymore. I suspect he couldn’t swallow at that point but didn’t want the syringe full of bitter medications either. He became combative and angry … More 15. Even Walls Fall Down
Going back to school that Monday was awful. Somehow that morning I forced myself to drive to class. It took every bit of strength to put aside the emotions of my new life and keep going. As I approached the halfway point in my commute, a tiny, newborn deer lay dead in the road. The … More 3. Takes One to Know One
If you find this blog, it will be my book. It took me 8 years to make, illustrate and finally now post (in between becoming a teacher and working long weeks). It was a labor of love that drove me every day, to share my story in hopes it can reach the right person/s. For … More A Preface: 8 years later…
Shine A Light On Me 