I found myself unable to look at my dad’s pictures. I avoided them, literally wincing as I passed by. I couldn’t handle it for some reason. This would go on for almost a year. While looking through his wallet for something, I quickly flipped past his picture. In a hidden compartment was the secret embroidered … More 17. Close One Eye
The day after was cloudy and rainy. Everyone seemed tired, scattered into different parts of the house. We all seemed to be sleepwalking through our moments together. My niece and nephew had bounced back relatively fast, that’s how kids are. That morning I found myself staring out the window in the kitchen at the backyard, … More 16. End of the Line
Tuesday night my dad was still somewhat lucid and he didn’t want to take his pain pills. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how much he understood what was happening anymore. I suspect he couldn’t swallow at that point but didn’t want the syringe full of bitter medications either. He became combative and angry … More 15. Even Walls Fall Down
Some older nurses came to the house and frantically started to hover over my dad, which I knew he hated. “They act like I’m going to die today,” he said in an aggravated huff. A bed was delivered and a man set it up in the living room. My mom chatted with this man who … More 14. The Last Week
There were things that my dad said that made me wonder how much he knew he was going to die. Sometimes I can’t decide. How much can a person comprehend that they are going to die? How much hope can you coast on? Is there a default human instinct to deny the inevitable, in order … More 9. Doubts
Life was different now. Things were complicated. I ran errands each day. There was always something unplanned. My dad struggled with eating, which along with malnutrition would spur desperate cravings that became more errands. The errands didn’t bother me though the social aspect was difficult. I felt actual physical pain in the entire situation we … More 6. The Recently Diseased
In the fall of 2013, my dad started to lose weight. He was having trouble eating and experiencing great stomach discomfort. All of which he never was vocal about. My family assumed he was getting older and all the bad habits were catching up. I remember my sister was in shock when she saw him … More 2. Metamorphosis
Shine A Light On Me 