I reluctantly began to recognize that I needed an outlet to reach my dad. I decided to start talking to him, which was strange at first but I did it anyway. Sometimes in the car, or at my desk after school. Sometimes I wrote emails to myself that were actually for him. It made me … More 28. It Ain’t Linear
For almost the next two years after my dad died, I had moments of uncontrollable sobbing that were often complete surprises to me. I wondered if it was normal, if anyone else had gone through that. Was it normal to cry that much? Years later I read an article advocating to discontinue the phrase and … More 26. An Ever Loving Light
In one of the last months of living in our house alone, my mom had a panic attack. I don’t think she realized that’s what it was. Our neighbor came over and made her some lunch while Pam came over and stayed the night. It’s funny how unspoken these things are, no one called it … More 24. An Open Door Waits
During September, my stress levels and anger were still running high. I can’t remember anything specific except I was mad as usual, having to accept the way things were. That was the bulk of my anger, the idea that my life story was now: this is Michelle, she’s 33 and her dad is dead. I … More 23. Just Be Happy
That May was supposed to be a celebration of my graduation, but now that was non-existent. My mom decided we should take a vacation, to celebrate the survival of the worst thing that had happened to us; I think anyway. It was also getting closer to me leaving and going back to school. Everything was … More 20. Long Goodbye
The day after was cloudy and rainy. Everyone seemed tired, scattered into different parts of the house. We all seemed to be sleepwalking through our moments together. My niece and nephew had bounced back relatively fast, that’s how kids are. That morning I found myself staring out the window in the kitchen at the backyard, … More 16. End of the Line
For a brief time in January, we were in a state of denial. My dad was putting up a brave face, eating a lot, even appearing a bit cheerful at times. One day after chemo, we went to a sushi restaurant he knew I loved. He used his craving for fried fish, in the form … More 7. Other People
Going back to school that Monday was awful. Somehow that morning I forced myself to drive to class. It took every bit of strength to put aside the emotions of my new life and keep going. As I approached the halfway point in my commute, a tiny, newborn deer lay dead in the road. The … More 3. Takes One to Know One
Shine A Light On Me 